The hardship of friendship.

this is the first time I've ever cancel an appointment.
not a formal ones though, its a trip to Bali with my fellow buddies.
I know that I made mistake by hiding the truth from my bestfriend.
But why does this really get him mad?
He has loads people who he thinks are fun accompany him.
Like, it won't be really matter if I don't go.
The reasons why I cancel it are : my school starts on Monday (we gotta go on Saturday which is 2 days before), the trip will be for 5 days long (will cost lost money ofc), I don't really into the people who join in, my mom doesn't allow me, etc.
I tried to tell those all but guess what? He didn't listen and keep pushing me to go.
is that what you call friend?
I've been disappointed by you and your buddies but did I ever mad on twitter? Did I show it to you? No! because I knew how precious my friends are.
But then you? Will you ever listen to what I say? Well, mostly not right?
It clearly shows how immature you are!
If you want to end this up, go ahead, I won't mind!
Just don't try to think turning back time and regret it later.
I won't listen twice!!

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New Phone in progress

As I've promised before, here I'm with bunch of stories to tell.
I was about to post about someone I almost in love with and currently stays as friend but, it isn't necessary though.
Let's talk about phone.
I'm thinking to buy a blackberry torch 9800, the red ones though.
But, it's all about pride.
you know, 3 of my cousins are getting the same phone.
Gosh, I thought I was gonna be the coolest ones when we meet up.
Then I came up with an idea to buy an iPhone or Samsung galaxy tab.
I told Yaya bouddit but then she said "Oh, Hell No!! Remember the BBM."
And I was like "OMG. I forgot the point!"
So I had no choice besides to buy the cursed blackberry torch 9800.
But I persisted to buy the red ones because its still on the top.
LMAO, big family feuds.
That's Indonesian, its all about the pride.
I asked my friend boud his phone (I mean the type) and he gave me a link to a picture.
It was an old nokia phone with no colours!
I was so ashamed...... u,u

confession

To whoever invited blog, they're perfectly brilliant!
This thing really gets me addictive and helps releasing stress
Though someday people could trace mine and laugh at it but who cares.
I don't really trust someone to share with.
People r too sellfish to be lied on.
I do love my friends, just haven't get the right person to become my real bff.
Some r using me for their own benefits while the rest r boring or get lost contact.
Honestly, I don't need people to read my blogs.
I just need a place to blow my madness boud life.
This thing also helps me to watch my improvements in english.
And by the way, I got loads things to share today but guess it isn't the right time to tell it off.
I try to sleep but my stomach hurts so much!
Someone also quite bothers me lately.
its a guy actually.
you know, flirting and stuffs.
I'll tell ya later on tomorrow........!
Nighty night everyone ;)

your words could kill someone.

Dear bloggy, forgive me who always be here only for complaining.
I got no where to share all of these hatred.
I feel terribly sick and sinned.
Shud I just stop sayin fat or overly-curly-hair?
I just hate it when people say 'heyya short' or 'ha! Thats fat!'
Like, when I showed people my slim pics, some people may say 'hey it wasnt slim at all'
If I told them 'You can see how pig I am today' then they would make fun of me like 'Ha! Ive always knew it'
I can't tell ya how proud I was to show my old picture.
Yeah, I wasn't skinny because my mother love me enough to feed me well.
But back then I wasn't fat either.
I mean, to compare it with myself today, it was much better.
And someone told me that the reason why my maid wasnt treat me well was because I am as short as my maid.
I can't even laugh
my maid was the reason why I keep being confident that I still can grow taller.
I believe that there's someone who was as lucky as me who stands at the height of 150cm.
And my friend just ruined my only happinese at ease.
Good friends always say the truth right?
And the truth is always hurtful. Thanks.

I can never hold grudges.

Like what my former friend has said that she has never held grudges, then so do I.
Even so, she can't stop hating me (I guess?)
She kept askin me why the hell did I hate her, but I can never tell.
This kind of thing is so offensive to be discussed.
The reason why I started to lose my feelings on her (friendship feeling btw) was because she started to act like crap.
Showin off things like shes the best.
I know that we shud be someone who has a good self-confidence but this is too much.
Sayin things like you got followed by lotsa singers eventhough you didn't expect it is a bullshit.
For me, I'd like to say 'it drives me crazy!'
Or if you do feel nothing, please stop sayin this and that which made you look like ure about to expload by happiness.
Those bullshit won't work on me.
You said you wanted to do a duet with me yet you asked me to join your band as a violinist.
Gosh, like I do know your friends, huh?
But it was okay, at the end I did apologize to you ryt?
Then you just ignored it.
And as the time passed, I hope you realized what you've just done to make me hate you but then I was wrong.
You seem to get more annoyin than before.
Idk how did you read my timeline, considerin the fact that I own a private page but if you did feel offended by my tweets then stop your habit!
screwin ppl who got into the top 5 of a talent competition, like hello?
you're not goin anywhere by doin that!
gettin into the big 5 proves that she got the talent, the quality, so you don't have to be jealous.
everyone born with their own destiny, what we shud do is to work harder to become someone we wanna be.
If you wanna be like her, why don'cha try to join a competition and show your talent?
Months ago, I responded to a comment on one of my youtube vids.
There, I said that I was vocally trained since the age of 5.
Days later, I found out that she tried to offend me by postin an insultin tweet.
She said I cant even sing because I ran of breath a lot while singing.
I was like wtf??
I did never insult her talents like that.
She thought I was bein perky by showin off my singing talent (or maybe she was jealous by my vid's view number?)
Sorry Miss, but if you don't like the way Im talkin, why doncha see yourself? ha!
You shud realize that you did the same thing, your selfishness had successfully made me hate you!
Now that you said I ran out of breathe like hell, you, yourself admitted that youre now experiencing the same problem with me.
And it was because you started to be a smoker again.
When you were with me, you said that smookin is just a way to damage the lungs but now? take that bitch!
I knew it! I knew that you new friends r good enough to make you change!
I love the old you!!! SO MUCH!
However, as we shouldn't carry those pain from the past, I will just let things go with the flow.
I won't hold grudge against you.
you were my very good friend.
And I dont want B to see us feudin like this.
Mianhae yo onnie.

Thanks to this blog!

I went to a birthday party last night.
Not to mention that it was totally boring but yes it was.
I got to meet bunch of my former school's mates.
They seemed to get a bit annoyin since the last time I met them.
I didn't know if it was only me or anythin but I felt a bit pissed by their doings.
I won't mind if someone took my ugly pose pics but please, when I say 'you should delete that, then just do it'
I never force anyone to keep their ugly pics, so y shud you forced me?
It was fine if ya took it for 1-2 times but it seemed like you love to make joke of me by takin it frequently.
Like, is there any other object rather than me?
If I meant to ruin the party I could just say F off but I knew, its no use.
they kept askin y didn't I get heat up, like who did this to me?
Textin doesnt mean an-social.
And shud I really respond to all the jokes even if that makes me sick?
Or shud I just make ya shut up?
Call me thats funny and lemme hit ya.
I know how to tell jokes, but when I realize that my jokes r goin a lil bit far, I stopped.
I feel like I have to stop meetin them.
I ain't something embrassing that you can make fun of everytime.
And hell yeah, I hate friends who love to break my things down.
Stop stepping on other's foot!
Thanks for destroying my precious shoes.

a boring evening.

Came here with no idea in mind.
Since I have nothing to do this evening, I will just let my fingers tap the screen as I fill this blog up.
I really want to talk boud my hidden lover, Mr. Aamir Khan.
I knew that this aint right (to talk about my 45-years-young affair) and since I have noone to read my blog so lets just jump into another topic.
Aha! I got a topic!
Lets talk about something excited to lighten the mood up.
And the topic is... goin to BALI!
If God bless me enough to make this thing happens, this gonna be my first happiest holiday in the last 7 years.
My last trip was when I went to the states with my family.
Ah, I hope those gold moments could be repeated.
Got lotsa things in my mind lately.
First, I have to choose between Korea and shopping plus iPhone.
Second, it was between shopping and 2PM+Taio Cruz's concert.
And the last (and I guess this aint gon be the least) is between taking the Japanese class and gettin extra money for Bali.
Money does rule the world, doesnt it?
or is it just the matter of choices?
I really want to study abroad yet I cant just let myself abandoning my family.
And I also like to rent a room once I get into an university but then I realize that I should be responsible of my own living expenses.
I cant just live only by depending on my monthly pocket money.
Ya kno, I love saving money.
And if mom asks me to buy foods usin my pocket money like everydaaaaaayy, then how can I save?
I could go nuts!
Then if I still force to rent a room, one thing for sure, I cant use the car to go to school!
Lets just hope my mom would buy me my personal car. (nearly impossible!)
And also I cant take extra classes either.
Ah..jinja!!
Though I may be sufferin a lot by stayin at my parents house (considerin the distance between home and school plus the stoofid rules) but I guess thats gonna be the right choice.
Whaddaya think?

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Randomness

today I wanna write down a few happy moments happened in this week.
First, my bahasa result got better.
Second, I started to learn how to drive intensively.
Third, I found a song that suits my vocal tone perfectly.
Fourth, got to meet a few people I badly need to be with.
Fifth, I started to put my biggest faith on God.

so everyday is a gift guys. we all blessed by him, thats why we got the chance to keep livin in this world.
no need to be troublesome with our problems.
trust me, he will give ya something bigger after he gave ya troubles.
we just need to overcome the waves.
Stay on the right track guys!

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singing

so, this is gonna be the last post of today.
I first introduced to this world when I was 4.
I used to like impersonating other's singing, some of them was Britney Spears and Teresa Teng.
I aint an english born nor chinese born, my mother language is Bahasa.
My auntie said that she used to let me listen to Teresa Teng's song and suprisingly after times stuckin to the song, I started to sing it!
The pronounciation wasnt right but the melody was right.
And it was also happened to Britneys.
My mom used to buy me VCDs of various singers like Britney, Vengaboys, Steps, Aqua and toybox.
The one I love most was Britneys.
I kept watchin Britneys VCD over and over again.
Then someday my dad caught me singing and dancing to Britneys songs.
Later he found out that I learned those melodies and moves from the VCDs, thats when my so called hell started to begin.
My family, esp my mom, love to force me to sing in front of a lot of people, I also have a documentary video prior to my birthday (but its more into my concerts video).
As time goes by, my mom decided to take me to a singing class near my house.
I had no idea about what was it all about.
I was at the age of 5 at the time.
Since then I continuously entered singing classes.
Ive been into 6 different singing classes but I found it useless as I was forced to do it back then.
I wasnt only involved with singing classes but also with singing competition.
I didnt expect to win any of them but to keep them as experiences.
In 2008, I auditioned for mamamia and managed to be in the top 106.
The judges said that my song wasnt suitable for my age.
I knew they all lied.
But it was a huge experience Ive gotten so far.
I'll learn harder and harder to improve my singing skill.
Hope someday I could becoming a professional singer.
Thats all about my singing 'talent', later on I will share my liking in music instrument.

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blackout

Yesterday my friend told me that she is in a blackout situation.
what worse is she was alone at home, befriended with the barkin sound. (she has doggies tho)
Because yesterday I went out to meet my lil bro and lil stah, I told her that I am lucky to not bein at home.
But then, today when I came back from school, I found out that it was my house's turn!
gaaaaaah.
I ended up watchin dream highs 14th episode via mobile youtube.
aigooo I really love this drama!
It was more alike into my dream.
I mean seriously, Ive been really dreamin boud that whenever I try to close my eyes.
I aint the type who force myself to do something to achieve popularity.
I live my dream because I love it, because I knew that talent was born within me.
Idk, not a lot of ppl appreaciate my talent.
People deserve to judge, they deserve to hate or love me.
But please realize it, don't act like you dont even know me.
And now Im torned into the branches of future.
To be the one who gets overwhelmed with fame for a short period or to be the one who receives success for a long period of time?

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welcome to the life

so here I am again for the 4th post of the day.
since I found that twitter was fun and then got annoyed by its only-140-charas matter, so I came back to where I am from, blogging.
Here, I can say anything I like without have to worry about the characters limit.
today, I aint goin to post those complaining posts only but also the chillin ones.
the good news is...... I GOT A NEW SISTER!!
her name is Alia Najwa Definda.
she was born on February 17th 2011.
Im happy! and I promise to make her look gorgeous while she grows up.
Just watch out everybody!!

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offensive

I'd like to say that God isnt fair but then I kept thinkin that hes fair enough to make me alive.
we all got things that offensive enough to be discussed.
well, y'all shud kno that I'm short and a bit weighted but those arent things that can stop me from dreaming.
some may start to attack me eventhough I didnt even try to pick a fight.
Idk what the hell did their parents have taugh them but absolutely it wasnt the best.
saying things like "you short" on purpose, tryna deflame me like that, seems so wrong.
like wtf? did I do anythin wrong to ya?
just please, by insultin me it means that you have insulted my creator, thats God.
I feel really glad lately to have new besties.
theyre not the type who find that its fine to blow me up.
just love ya!

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my future

since Ive given up on doin my task, I will start postin lotsa posts!
I have no idea to give a topic to this post, but suddenly a thing called future came to mind (just now)
Ive been thinkin to have a boutique in the future.
so yesterday, me and Hani decided to make our boutiques symbol.
something like brand.
Hani decided to have an accessory shop.
we'll do a colaboration in the future for sure.
so far, it looks like Hani does have the same both vision and mission with me.
together, we'll be making and stepping our way to the economic major of UI!yeaaahhh!

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days in high school

hey everyone, its been like years already.
the last time I posted a post here was in 2009.
so here I am in the early 2011!
right now, Im up in the classroom, decided to do a task from the teacher then got annoyed by a group of girls who love to make fuss.
ya kno, its annoyin enough to hear someones singing while ya have to do something important.
like this world is theirs?!
I really wanna say 'f you! ya cant sing so can you stop iritatin my ears?!'
I shud start to bring earphones tomorrow.

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